You are

The reason I get lonely sometimes,

The reason I'm awake when even the moon wont shine,

Not a reason at all - just a momentary lapse thereof,

Good memories gone bad - with a hint of fine age,

Words at the tip-of-tongue forever held at bay,

Not a regret - at least that's what I tell myself,

The life, blood and soul,

To this one sided love I behold,

While I watch broken years now unfold,

The hole ever gaping,

Since it's me I'm forsaking,

Whenever I come back for more,

The most beautiful sun,

to shine for this one,

Leaving me with a black sky,

The reason I'd barter,

My soul as a martyr,

If it meant I could just call you mine,

The best at disguise,

Sharp pain painted prize,

That makes this flood flow from my eyes,

Why love I despise,

Why I dry my tired eyes,

And with suicide now roll the dice.